Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
