i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize