So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
