He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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