Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
