North Korea, Best Korea!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
