Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
