Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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