Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
