That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
