Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Rumble strips road head = magical
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
