Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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