Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
