She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
