i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
