she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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