I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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