I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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