dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
