yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
A+ Viking dick
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
