the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
