i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
