sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
