There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
