once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
