I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Randomize