It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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