I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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