That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
