he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
