I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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