Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
