im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
