I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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