so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
