He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Randomize
