Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
