Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
