so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
