woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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