4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
he shaved USA in his pubs
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
