I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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