yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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