it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
