SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
