Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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