whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
