I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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