its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
