I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i would punch a child for taco bell
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
