i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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