My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
