He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
