I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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