My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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