i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
