Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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