How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
