Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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