Plan B is the new Plan A
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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