I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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long story
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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