ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Randomize
