I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
