he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
