I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
His hands were made for my vagina.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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