God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
