a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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