Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
