So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The best revenge is premature balding
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
