he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
