..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
