just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
