i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
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