We won't sleep together?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize