Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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